I mentioned way back at the beginning that I felt that though Christianity had an essence to it, somehow it didn’t seem to have any actual form putting it all together. As Muslims, our whole lives are spent completely in the remembrance of God, because even the most ‘mundane’ of our actions have been structured towards that end. It’s something that you don’t really find in any other world-view. Sure, Catholics for instance are aware of their creator and his blessings, but actual remembrance I would dare say is – in the vast majority – mostly limited to attending Sunday mass. I guess it’s something that they just don’t have, or maybe view under a different light. In any case, this commitment in remembrance was what really attracted me towards Islam. You see, the one sure thing that I had gleaned from all the readings and the dilemmas of philosophy was that, in the end the only worthwhile and meaningful thing to do in life was to commit to something greater than yourself. For many this ‘something’ was an idea. Kierkegaard had once written, “I need to find a truth that is true for me, to find an ideal for which I can live and die.” I guess the moral in the end was that it took me a while to find my commitment. It took inspiration and guidance to get me to finally understand God and His Divine Order in a way that I could fully feel that I believed.
And time it took. Even after realizing all this, it was a while before I would take the decisive step of reciting the Shahadah with the full conviction and intention of becoming a Muslim. There were still many inner voices to quell. I was still to undergo a long process of learning and understanding, figuring out why it was that so many things that were going on in the world today – and had been done ‘under the guise’ of Islam – seemed to be completely against what I had gleaned that the essence of the Islamic faith was. I needed to fact-check, needed to be sure that I had gotten the right message (it was that analytical streak kicking in once again), because the implication then would be that a lot of people were going about things the wrong way. Seriously, a lot of stuff that is preached and taught out there is wrong, and people who don’t know better believe it to be Islam. As someone who was trying to learn everything afresh it was therefore imperative to sort out the good from the bad, the true from the false. This of course took a while (and is in any case a never ending part of learning and acquiring ‘ilm), and besides that there were days when the deen didn’t seem to be there at all, times when the ol’ doubts and anxieties reared their heads all the stronger because of all the confusion and the trying to sort things out. But I won’t go into all that right now, as I think it’s high time I brought this to a conclusion.
I remember a very long time ago, my parents had sternly warned me against philosophy and filling my head ‘with ideas a young boy has no business getting into his mind’. It was a rocky road for sure, and there were times when I found myself wishing that I had listened to them. But I’m glad I didn’t, and I’m glad that I received that inspiration from God to go out and to seek my own way. If I had never done that I’m pretty certain I would have never ever found Islam. Furthermore, if I had never gotten into Engineering (despite disliking it so much) I would never have met that friend whose dawah proved invaluable. It’s really cool to look at your life in hindsight and see how some things were simply meant to be, regardless of whether or not you realized it at the time. Philosophy did its job well, poetry and art lived up to their essence, because in the end these were some of the tools by which He called me back to His path. Allah knows best.
Written By:
Br. Roberto Infante
